Raphael was the worst Turtle. Actually, Venus was the worst Turtle, but I comprehend that the owners of the TMNT license deny she ever even existed, as do most people who have a shred of taste.

Of all the Turtles that Ubisoft could have featured on the cover, they put Raphael on it. Leonardo is nowhere to be seen! We all know he was the best, followed by Michelangelo and Donatello. Raphael was just a whiny tiny punk that’s always complaining about everything. He’s kind of like Nick Chester now that I think about it.

And what’s Clank from Ratchet and Clank doing on the cover by the way? Oh, that’s the Utromnator? More like the lame … o … nator. Yeah. Also, April is totally getting kicked in the c*nt here.