A new free channel is coming to Nintendo’s little white waggle box that aims to enrich your life by giving out free relationship advice … seriously! It will also read your fortune and tell you what you should be eating, basically turning the Wii into that page at the back of a tabloid newspaper that menopausal women love reading at part-time call center job.

The Wii’s “Today & Tomorrow” channel will cater to all your Horoscope needs and love life anxiety, scheduled to hit Europe on September 9. When people ask me why the Wii makes me bury my head in my hands and sigh really loudly, I now have the perfect thing to show them.